Trader Joe's Tuesday Treats: 100% Colombian Instant Coffee

Chocolate Shake + Instant Coffee = Sweet Glory

Apr 08, 2025

Trader Joe's 100% Columbian Instant Coffee

I didn’t have the heart to deny any Western European heritage, at least not at first. So I leaned in and let her know that my stepdad was Greek, which was why I loved Greek food and was able to flex a perfect pronunciation of spanakopita.

Georgia was the owner and operator of a Greek American restaurant quietly pumping out the best food on the University of Minnesota campus back when I was a new transfer student there in 2004. She liked me, even if I wasn’t Greek by blood. I joined her team shortly after dining there for the first time, as a busser—my first real table service hospitality job.

I was a wretched student in college, barely attending class and eventually dropping out, but I learned a hell of a lot at Georgia’s Kafe 421. By the time I left the University of Minnesota, I had been with Georgia for the better part of two years. I handled her catering, supported a tight-knit team of grad student waiters, and picked up the fundamentals of front of house floor support.

I also learned some of the magic of instant coffee. As you know, these days I have allowed myself to become addicted to coffee—but that wasn’t always the case. Back in college, it was just a treat I would occasionally enjoy. And Greek coffee is a very specific, intense version of the stuff. I wasn’t really into it. But I’ll never forget the day one of my servers stirred a few spoonfuls of instant coffee powder into her McDonalds chocolate milkshake and offered me a sip. My young mind was blown.

My time in college—the early 2000s—feels particularly nostalgic from the perspective of our current era of economic and democratic freefall. For one, that was back in the day when McDonalds still cared enough to keep their ice cream machines in relatively good working order. These days the broken McDonalds ice cream machine has become such a commonly disappointing experience so as to inspire parodic memification:

I still hold out hope that some day, somewhere, I can visit a McDonalds and order a chocolate shake. But I’m not holding my breath—I’m going to Wendy’s. As you know, the no-upcharge Frosty option in a Wendy’s Biggie Bag meal deal is the ultimate fast food hack. As you likely also know, a Frosty is no McDonalds shake. But for the purposes of stirred-in instant coffee, I tried it this week and I am pleased to report that it suffices rather well. And the Frosty machine (which produces a pure chemical confection rather than a real milk-based dessert) is never broken.

The next time you order a Frosty, a milk shake from the diner, or—if you are truly blessed—a McFlurry, stir in a few spoonfuls of Trader Joe’s 100% Colombian Instant Coffee. Sure, you can use this product for baking or actual hot, instant coffee. But what would be the fun in that? Add some to your milkshake and you will feel like a smooth and bold consumer genius.

Fair warning: follow my example when it comes to fast food, not when it comes to your education. Stay in school. Work a fun job while you’re there, but stay in school.