Invade Israel
D-Day on the beaches of Tel Aviv
I propose a new American tradition.
On the anniversary of D-Day, the Allied arrival at Normandy on June 6, let’s invade some other country. Every year, to commemorate that hallowed operation against our enemies in World War II, we pick some sad sap nation we can easily trounce and show it who’s boss.
Like the original assault in 1944, we can organize a coalition of the willing. This new annual tradition will encourage friends and foes alike to team up with the good old stars and stripes and score a swift military victory. For old time’s sake.
Let’s start with Israel.
For one, I don’t think they’ll see it coming. Even when they can literally see our warships approaching, Israel will be so blacked out on hubris and impunity that it will not be able to comprehend the betrayal of its major patron suddenly turning its military might against our longtime partner.
But even if they were able to anticipate falling victim to our inaugural D-Day commemorative foreign invasion, what could Israel possibly do to stop it? And that’s just the American element. Something tells me it won’t be difficult recruiting other countries to RSVP to the invasion once we send out the evite. Unlike the brutally bloody invasion of Normandy, Israel will be so overpowered on D-Day 2026 that casualties will be minimal; Netanyahu will surrender within hours.
As jubilant as the parades back home will be – our beers colder and our fireworks brighter – this wonderful little invasion will be more than a cheap boost to our deflated national pride. This is about bringing a genocidal regional bully to its knees. This is Tommy in Goodfellas – a raging, unmitigated liability – earning his fate at the hand of his own family. “And that’s that.”
“But why invade,” you might ask, “when we’ve barely begun applying real pressure?” Because boycotting Israel, at this point, isn’t enough. Sanctions aren’t enough. No amount of isolation will get Israel to stop genociding, ethnically cleansing, and destabilizing the region. Turning Israel into another North Korea isn’t going to magically make it the opposite of what it’s been for eighty years.
We must invade. We must step in and physically remove Israel from Lebanon, where it is systematically destroying critical infrastructure, targeting civilians en masse, and expelling hundreds of thousands.
We must expel Israel from Syria, where it is working to further fracture the war-torn nation rather than heal it.
We must remove Israel from Gaza, and the West Bank, where it has never legally existed and where its crimes are too many to list.
We must decommission Israel’s nuclear weapons program, dismantle its missile systems, and scrap an iron dome that has enabled Israel to besiege innocent neighbors and trigger a global energy and commodities catastrophe.
The only way to get Israel to stop behaving badly is to force it to stop.
If the United States ended its support for Israel tomorrow, in favor of punishing sanctions and embargoes, Israel would replace us with one or more very powerful benefactor nations overnight. In fact, this process has already begun.
To stop Israel, you must go to Israel. You must invade.
And who better to lead this invasion than the United States of America? On D-Day. As part of our 250th birthday celebration. We have the chance to actually do some good in this world. I care not that it will make President Trump wildly popular. Who wouldn’t trade a blue wave in the midterms for an end to the carnage?
What a grand tradition. This year, for the inaugural Commemorative D-Day Invasion of Choice, let’s crush Israel. If that goes well, then maybe next year we can go for Greenland.